Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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