Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
