Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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