If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I looked at my own cervix.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
