he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.