All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You smell like stripper and shame
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?