Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
