She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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