well I can't set my house on fire every night
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
