but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
