You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
