And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
