Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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