dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
