She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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