It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
