Where is the hickey?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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