I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
