Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
