the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
