Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
