i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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