Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
