You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
