yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize