woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
