nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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