fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
