all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
