How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
