Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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