About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
