the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
