Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
