I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
