New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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