we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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