I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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