what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Slut skills are useful in every country.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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