i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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