I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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