The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
