he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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