she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
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he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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