In the future we'll all be gay
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
