So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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