I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
