I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
