3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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