she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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