well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
