Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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