Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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