I heard we made out
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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