Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What drink are we having for lunch?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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