I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
