his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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