omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
