upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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