I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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