if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
