if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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