3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
