Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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