i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
