What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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