i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
