Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My cat gives me a boner
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Come on in and take your pants off
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