i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
