what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
