Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I lost the right to judge tonight
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
