People with herpes should wear stickers.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
